I sat here today thinking about all the firsts we had together. Seeing your little swollen face when I finally got to hold you after delivery. Taking your first picture. Your first finger grab. I cried. Hard.
They tell you that time passes by so quickly and you don't realize how quick it happens until it actually does. I'll never forget your first spit up or poopy diaper. When you just needed MOM to hold you.
In just a few short weeks your baby brother will be here and you will no longer be the only child.
It will no longer be just you & I anymore. You are going to see me feeding, holding & changing a new baby that isn’t you and you aren't going to understand. In the mornings after your dad leaves for work, it will no longer be me just cooking you breakfast or holding you in our bed because you're still sleepy and want to cuddle. There won't be anymore days of you and I lounging on the couch without any responsibility or going to the splash pad because we can. Not for a little while anyway. I will be sharing my heart with two babies. Our time together will now be accompanied by cute baby squeals and giggles, loud cries and temper tantrums.
I wasn’t prepared to have to share my heart with another little so soon. I wasn’t prepared for it to not be you and I anymore. I'm sad for you. Not because your sibling isn't a wonderful blessing, because he is. I'm sad for you simply because you won't be the center of my universe any longer. I'll have to share myself with another love and that breaks my heart for you. I wanted to give you every second of the rest of my life because you are the most important part of my world. I won't be able to hold you all the time or do minor things with you anymore that some don't see as a big deal. I know that we will figure out everything together step by step. I know you'll get the hang of it and eventually adjust..but I just can't help but feel a little broken for you.
You will always be the one who taught me how to be the best mom that I can be. The one who taught me patience, kindness & strength. You will always be my first baby, that will never change. And no matter how many times I feel like I’m failing, I will be able to just look at you and know that somehow, some way, I must be doing something right.
I know that we will make it through.
You will always hold a special place in my heart, my little love.
XoXo,
Vicky
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