Yesterday was a true slap in the face to me. I preach confidence and how you shouldn’t care what others think about you. But guess what? I do.
Yesterday as I walked into my sons cranial appointment I noticed there were several women working. I noticed they were all very petite, very slender, hair & make up were done beautifully. I thought to myself “oh my gosh, I’m so uncomfortable, am I not normal? Why don’t I look like them? I’ve never looked like them.” After the appointment was over I turned to my husband and said “Is my size not normal? I wish I could look like them and I just don’t” Tears welling up in my eyes because I’ve always suffered from body dysmorphia and this was just ripping me apart!
My husband looked me straight in the eye and said “Babe, I think you’re the most beautiful thing to walk this earth.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. If my husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman on the planet, then why don’t I? My entire life has been juggled between my weight and the world.
Society has made us think that stretch marks aren’t okay. That cellulite isn’t okay. That having some tummy flab or rolls isn’t even okay! Just to hit you with some truth. ITS NORMAL. It’s normal for your body to not fit the standard society mold.
I’ve had two beautiful children. After both of my pregnancies I’ve never just “bounced back” More power to the girls that do..but I, unfortunately, do not! And guess what... THAT’S NORMAL TOO!
I refuse to sit back and not enjoy life anymore because I have stretch marks and a tummy flap. I refuse to not wear fun outfits for fear of others judging my plus sized self for wearing them. I refuse to not go out anymore because I just look “fat” in all my clothes. I refuse to look at myself with anything other than confidence. I’m closing shut this door that I’ve built to hide myself. I won’t be a victim to my own self hate. This is me. Raw, unfiltered, unedited me.
So eat the Mexican food. Eat the Oreos. Drink the wine. Post that selfie. Give yourself grace. We were not placed on this earth to worry about body image. You only get ONE LIFE. Go out, enjoy it. Be free. Be gracefully YOU. And love yourself. Every minute of it.
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